I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is Oprah even human
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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