So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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