ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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