We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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