i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
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if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
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Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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