after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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