I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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