just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize