I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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