god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize