come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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