I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this just has baby written all over it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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