Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize