Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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