bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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