please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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