I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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