New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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