my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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