I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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