dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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