Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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