Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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