We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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