i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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