what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
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so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
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I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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