I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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