I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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