So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize