Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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