That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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