I wish life had little blips of pornography
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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