i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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