and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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