i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize