We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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