dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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