It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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