i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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