Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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