I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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