I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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