why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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