I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
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is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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