Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

its not stalking. its research.

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(610): its not stalking. its research. http://tfl.nu/qywi

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...

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(610): just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating... http://tfl.nu/t9b4

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.

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(306): how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was. http://tfl.nu/gxs4

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

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(202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t

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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.

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(410): I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night. http://tfl.nu/medf

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(925): View more from California

its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife

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(925): its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife http://tfl.nu/e55k

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(773): View more from Illinois

My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

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(773): My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended. http://tfl.nu/c9ao

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(702): View more from Nevada

Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.

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(702): Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter. http://tfl.nu/2ees

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(813): View more from Florida

Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.

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(813): Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again. http://tfl.nu/0xdw

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit

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(405): You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit http://tfl.nu/wkkh

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(658): View more from

Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk

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(658): Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk http://tfl.nu/a8a4

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.

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(403): I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever. http://tfl.nu/fqiq

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(651): View more from Minnesota

We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.

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(651): We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom. http://tfl.nu/dyyq

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(631): View more from New York

I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.

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(631): I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/7540

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(760): View more from California

You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker

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(760): You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker http://tfl.nu/zuvx

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