my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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