pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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