You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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