I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize