you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize